Nightmare

Sep. 23rd, 2012 07:48 pm
xans: Xans (Lips)
So last night I had this rather disturbing nightmare. I was pregnant, which wasn't the scary part. What was utterly terrifying was I realised that my unborn child wasn't moving or growing, and trying to explain my dilemma to healthcare professionals and no one would pay attention to me. Woke up feeling quite shaken and sick with worry about that. Had to remind myself I'm not pregnant and that so wouldn't happen to me if I was.

...

Sep. 16th, 2012 11:47 am
xans: I don't speak Pathetic Bastard (Shoebox)
And then to pop onto twitter to find one of my favourite authors had tweeted this link: http://dduane.tumblr.com/post/31618277059/singularitytheorem-stop-scrolling-hi-im

*sobbing*

Isolation

Sep. 16th, 2012 10:33 am
xans: Xans (Death at a Party)
Warning: run-on sentences ahoy. Excuse me while I be all emo and shit.

This is so stupid. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this is PMS-related, and possibly self-inflicted-stress related, but here I am on a lovely Sunday morning, crying and feeling utterly inadequate. And it's stupid, because I have a good life. Sure there is room for improvement, and the stress is due to my being a terrible procrastinator, but generally... I have a loving fiancé, and adorable cat, and I get to live in a big house by the beach all year long.

I don't have any friends here. While I'm not a social butterfly, the fact is that outside of Alan, his son & son's new gf, I don't gt a lot of social interaction outside of online. And I just feel kind of useless, that I have a sort of social phobia that makes it hard for me to generate contacts and friendship in person. It's not even like my first year of uni where I lived in a hall of 12 girls and not a single one was my friend. I like my housemates... ok, I love Alan and tolerate Joe and don't know Kayla all that well yet but she seems nice enough. I just don't have anyone outside of that who lives in walking distance that I can go out and visit when I get sick of the house and crave human company that isn't Alan. I'm weird and geeky and I wouldn't know the first place to find other weird and geeky people like me to hang out with.

I even lurk a lot online, it takes a lot for me to reach out to those not in my tight circle of close online friends. It's just... I feel like the dorky kid who doesn't know how to interact with the other kids, or the weird kid who's years younger and kinda dresses shabby and follows the others around like a puppy, like I'm the kid only just now discovering the fad the other kids have been obsessing over for months, or goes on and on about something so niche the other kids have never heard of it... Fuck I spend so much time in my own headspace and I'm great fucking company but gets lonely sometimes and I try to get out of my shell and reach out to other people and I forget that just because I'm doing something that utterly terrifies me, the other person doesn't know that. It's unreasonable and irrational for me to expect them to give me the time and attention I want but I still hope and obsess and am either overjoyed (and thinking up some new trick to maintain their attention like a fucking puppy) or disappointed by the (lack of) response I get (and I can't tell them because I have to remember I'm not the fucking centre of their universe (nor should I be)).

And now here I am crying my fucking heart out because I'm PMSing and lonely and just yesterday I couldn't wait for Alan to be gone so I could rock out to my new CD. I know this feeling will pass but right the fuck now I feel inadequate and stupid for crying over this shit.
xans: Xans (Nude)
So... If I want to have a conversation with my darling, it helps if I'm not pantsless. On the other hand, if I want to get him to agree to anything I suppose I can distract him with lacy underthings. It wasn't an important conversation I was trying to have, anyway. (I was bitching about body hair)

My parcel has arrived! I'm so glad I decided to back Amanda Palmer's kickstarter for Theatre is Evil. Now I just kinda wish Alan was at work so I could listen through the CD (I like to listen first time all on my lonesome so no one/nothing distracts me). Unfortunately the weather isn't nice enough for me to suggest he have some man-time up at the nudie beach. (I like going with him to the nudie beach sometimes too, but he will lay out there for hours and hours and I can't with my precious delicate pale skin) I will just have to wait.

Also took my engagement ring in to get its rhodium plating redone, resized, and cleaned up. have temporarily relocated my silver heart ring onto that hand so I don't feel naked. I still panic somewhat at the sensation of no ring on my right hand, but it's less of a panic than if it were my left hand, where I'd be all, "oh fuck, did I lose it?" Not a ring I ever want to lose.

I love how Alan talks of the wedding being my first and only wedding. Because even though I'm going to outlive him (I still want 30 years from him), apparently I will be ruined for all other men, because none shall be as awesome and charming and handsome as he. :D Of course, if I do get my 30 years than I will be almost 60, maybe I could try my hand at becoming a cougar... I honestly have no idea.
xans: Xans (Death at a Party)
GeoNet
Eq Rpt: MAG 7.0, MM6, FD 230, LOC 60 km S of Opunake, TIME 10:36 PM, 03/07/2012

So the first big quake I ever felt was the 6.8 Nisqually Valley quake in Washington back in 2001. That was middle-of-the-day get-under-your-desks material. As the time I was a teenager so it was more exciting than scary.

This?

Well I'm kinda glad I'd just finished peeing. I heard it coming, and there was just something about the sound that said, "Brace, this one's gonna be good..." Most earthquakes, I barely get out of my seat, but this one I'm kinda glad I stood in the doorway for, because the house rocked. And rolled. And books fell off shelves and I heard my china cats fall off their shelf (they survived).

It went on for quite some time. Of course, once the shakes died down it was straight on to Facebook and Twitter to find out who else felt it, and get the news from geonet about magnitude and location. *shudder*

I'm okay, we're okay, everyone felt it all over just about.

Heh

Jun. 1st, 2012 01:19 pm
xans: I don't speak Pathetic Bastard (Shoebox)
Watching the Amanda Palmer street party live-streaming on the internet, heh. She's got over 24k backers and raised 1.1 million for her album, that is pretty damn cool.

So, I bought a couple of those 'Ahh Bras' that I've seen the ads on tv for, and I have to say, holy fucking hell every woman should own at least one of these. They are not sexy, but they're not unsexy, and they are very, very comfortable. There's no underwires, no cups, no elastic, it's all just one fabric that is knitted with some extra reinforcing at the bottom and a bit of shaping to the bust. But I'm feeling incredibly supported with minimum sensation that I'm wearing anything.

When we bought Alan's laptop last year it came with a year's free subscription to Norton that would protect up to 3 PCs, and that subscription ran out about a month ago... there was an option to renew online but it was $120, and we saw in a mailer that we could buy the same thing for $100 and also get a free $40 gift voucher to the store we bought it from. So we did that instead, and gave the vouchers to Joe as part of his birthday present.

There's a wedding expo in Palmerston North in a couple of weeks, I am making Alan take me with the bribery that we can stop by JB Hi-Fi so he can drool over electronics and we can check out the DVDs and blu-rays there.

Crack

May. 24th, 2012 04:26 pm
xans: Xans (Death at a Party)
Well, my love and I bought the first season of Game of Thrones a week ago or so, and promptly fell in love with it. I'm digging Arya, Jon Snow, and The Imp the most. Second season is only screening on SOHO here so will have to wait until it is out on DVD, and avoid spoilers if I can.

Um, so was reading a few gen Avengers fanfic and stumbled on the crack!pairing that is Darcy Lewis/Bruce Banner (or Darcy/Hulk) and rather loving it.

Amanda Palmer retweeted something I posted about her and earned me a follower haha. I'd say the chick, like me, was drawn to Amanda by her husband Neil Gaiman posting about her and we share that in common at least. I'm also really digging the single "Do it with a rock star" that she released to backers, although Alan wasn't over struck on it. Speaking of Neil, amazon.com has the entire Sandman series in a slipcover available for pre-order, for under $200. It is very, very tempting.

I also got around to buying the Lana Del Rey album off iTunes and have those songs in my head all the time now.

I'm also wondering about buying Diablo 3. I didn't pre-order and turns out that was a good thing since blizzard didn't anticipate sales and their servers crashed shortly after the game was released. As far as I'm aware it's sorted now but still a bit unsure as I don't want to be disappointed like I was with Dungeon Siege 3.

I need to put a grocery list together and walk down to meet Alan after work.
xans: Xans (Nude)
Okay, okay, RL post...

Got a temporary job doing stocktake at Alan's store. It's only for a month (two weeks already gone) but hey, it's a bit of extra dosh and quite handy for shelling out on necessities like firewood, and not so necessary, like Amanda Palmer's kickstarter project because it is so utterly cool and exciting how fast she raised money. And she's funny and I love following both her and Neil Gaiman on twitter because they are an adorable couple.

Also on twitter, amusing to follow Zachary Quinto & Simon Pegg and see them getting up to shenanigans in Hooters with Cumberbatch (I don't even watch the new Sherlock)... weirdest thing is reading Leonard Nimoy's posts with his voice in my head.

Anyway, back to the job thing... it means getting up at 5 a.m. two mornings in a row, which is a bitch but survivable. Although, fuck this cold. I know it's heading into winter but fuck the cold. Winter also means July also means my birthday means holy shit I'm almost twenty-fucking-SEVEN ayfkm surely I only turned 17 last year. My brother is going to be 30, which is supposed to be grown-up, right? Except it's impossible to imagine my brother being grown-up. And me being grown-up. I will never give up my legos.

I still need to organise my wedding holy hell I am terrible at this.

Summing up my thoughts in both this post and the comments: How the fuckity fuck can people not realise how awesome Natasha/Black Widow is? IF YOU DISAGREE, WE HAVE VERY DIFFERENT MEMORIES OF BUDAPEST, OKAY? Also, see title of post. I can has icons?

A couple fic recs:
By Arwen Lune -- Rock Happy A Generation Kill/SGA fusion, or; Brad Colbert in Atlantis. "You know what's really weird about the whole thing?" Brad finally said. Nate raised en eyebrow. "Apart from the whole highly classified, inter-branch, civilian and international, can't-tell-you-what-our-program-is-called-without-non-disclosure-paperwork, independent-thinker selecting, amiable Air Force and Corps officer cooperation thing?" Also, Brad Colbert mentioned in Rock Happy that he found a Shit My CO Says list on the Atlantis wiki. Rock Happy is still a WIP but what I've gathered from the notes she is close to wrapping it up, and then intends to write shorter fics featuring the Generation Kill boys in Atlantis. Normally I steer clear of WIPs because I hate the long waits, but she's been fairly regular.

By auburn -- Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves John Sheppard/Rodney McKay Summary: Vala Mal Doran and her partners, renegades Jehan abd-Ba'al and Meredith McKay, hijack the Tau'ri ship Prometheus and leave the Milky Way behind in search of the Lost City of the Ancients, Atlantis. This is a long read with plenty of action and suspense, that parallels many canon events but also takes some new twists, and also explores some things the show never touched on, like just WHY everyone manages to mostly understand each other, except some languages and the written word. For the most part, I enjoyed it immensely, although I don't know if it's personal preference/head canon, I just felt Carter got a bit of a raw deal, but then the author's main focus was on Vala, Jehan, and Meredith as the core cast of this tale. There's a couple shorter pieces set in the same 'verse that I haven't read yet.

By copperbadge/sam_storyteller -- Avengers: A Partial Dictionary Of The 21st Century Steve/Tony but really a gorgeous exploration of the 21st Century by Steve, with some interesting extrapolations about the other Avengers... It's amazing what you can keep in the refrigerator. By the time the team is living in Stark Mansion, the big industrial fridge in the kitchen is packed. Bruce and Natasha tried to institute the "everyone gets a shelf" rule, but Tony just eats whatever's there and Thor doesn't really understand the concept of personal property very well and Clint positively delights in eating other peoples' food, because he says it tastes better if it's stolen. And, and, there's just this reference to Xavier/Magneto that tugged my heartstrings...

By dduane -- "Mycroft's Delight" okay, it's supposed to be BBC Sherlock but I haven't seen that, so I was picturing Stephen Fry's Mycoft from the movie, bust still. Part of me just loves the fact a published author doesn't hesitate to write fanfic (esp. after that ONTD post about author's opinions on fanfic--mainly, the authors they chose to quote mostly were quite dickish about it), and the story itself is delightful to sink into, and, bonus, she included a recipe at the end.

That's all for now...
xans: Xans (Default)
Why yes, my love and I did just get back from seeing the Abengers movie. The short version: sooooooo worth seeing, especially in 3D. The long (spoilery) version: behind the cut.

Read more... )

Also I owe my journal a post about some RL happenings and also a fanfic post that is being a bitch to write (I'm trying to write about Baal and he doesn't come easily for me.). So I should be writing again soon.

Wheeee

Apr. 14th, 2012 07:56 pm
xans: I don't speak Pathetic Bastard (Shoebox)
Have only just mastered the art of dloading fics off AO3 as epubs to read through iBooks. Mostly sticking to the long or chaptered completed works which means I can read them all the way through even offline or if AO3 goes down. Very happy with this, as I just finished reading all 9 of Diane Duane's Young Wizard series that I bought as ebooks a few months ago and all iTunes has to offer as ebooks are the old classics. I would look at getting more ebooks but amazon is all kindle, the whitcoulls website is impossible to navigate, and I don't know about buying off Barnes & Noble because it's an American website.

Emo

Mar. 17th, 2012 07:20 pm
xans: Xans (Nude)
Feeling so unmotivated to do either household chores or actually organise my wedding. Wish I had a job but I keep not applying for those either, so only myself to blame there. Don't even want to think about the possibility of going back to my studies (or starting new ones).

There's nothing wrong with my life as it is, it's just... I should be doing more with my life and I'm not. And that makes me sad, angry, and disappointed with myself.
xans: Xans (Stargate)
So, Gratch's patience with my iPad has finally worn off. It's only taken six months of glaring jealousy... now when she wants my lap and the iPad is in the way she simply hops up and shoves it off my lap. I am owned.

I suck at actually organising my wedding omg.

Alan just had a birthday, I bought him an e-reader and made a mocha truffle cheesecake of sinful rich deliciousness. We also cracked open the Heineken keg he'd got for Christmas.

Finally sat down to rewatch certain episodes of SG-1 pertaining to Ba'al. Abyss, as he walks into the chamber to begin interrogating Jack? Honest to god shivers down my spine. Also, I love that coat so much. Random Sam/Teal'c moment where she touches his bicep for no particular reason. And Reckoning, his amusement at being an insufferable holographic prig. Oh... I <3 me some Ba'al. About to look into the Season 9/10 eps, where he is quite funny at times, and we get to hear his voice minus the flange (although I do like it with, just a little bit...).

And, am I imagining things, or is there actually a scene somewhere in the series where Jack is the prisoner of someone, and he's being tortured/interrogated when they get interrupted, and he utters the line, "Listen, if you're busy--" *eyebrow/shrug/cough* "--I can come back." (And of course he doesn't because they all escape shortly after that) Have I just read too many fanfics? Probably.

Also been reading a lot of Generation Kill fic lately, especially three rather cool GK/SGA crossover fics, because there's something awesome about Brad Colbert and Ray Person in Atlantis.

So, yeah.
xans: I want to believe (X-Files)
Which is hilarious when you consider I don't watch the show and don't participate in that fandom except in the most peripheral sense. I suppose I sort of picked up some things via osmosis, from knowing people who are fans, and from having seen, ohh, three episodes and snippets of a couple others. But it's even more random in that I have not even been thinking about the show at all, so why did I go and dream about it?

The dream was still kind of cool, although a bit all over the place. We were being chased by some agent types, and I wanted to go with the Doctor, which he was heavily implying that if I did, I would never come home again because I would die. I think dream me had a very boring life and no loving fiancee, because I didn't really see a problem with that fate. There would be adventures. And there was a robot that was kind of like a Dalek in appearance but not in genocidal tendencies, that we consulted rather like an oracle and it gave me some various flavoured love-heart shaped vitamins with all my nutritional needs. Because starving to death sucks.

...and I woke up just as he was taking me into the TARDIS.

Amusing anyway.
xans: Xans (Bishop)
So, I have the LJ and the DW, the Skype and the Facebook. But I feel, in a way, that I have lost track of some people because they've also migrated to things like Twitter and Tumblr, which I do not have. And I'm wondering if I should be a sheep and get those too, to find and follow the people who's* posts I enjoyed when LJ was the centre of my netverse?

Where do I even begin?

Fin.

*ETA who's or whose, whichever is correct. I forgot my English lessons omg.

WTF, boys

Dec. 23rd, 2011 10:49 pm
xans: Xans (Seabeck Hicks)
Alan came home with scorched almonds and 5L can of Heineken as a Christmas bonus from work.

So, anyone who has me on facebook probably saw my status update about getting pelted by an egg while out walking earlier today. Normally, wearing a summery dress and straightening my hair and getting all prettified to counter my stupid female body being not pregnant (not that I want to be pregnant just yet tyvm), normally that would get boys driving by to maybe honk their horns at me. And once, solicited as a prostitute. (Umm, careful of the comments on that one) This is the first time I've had eggs thrown at me.

Boys suck.

When I told Alan he growled. And ask if I got their license plate so he could hunt them down. <3 him.

I came home to find the computer had crashed, restarted it to find that I was under attack in my game, Kingdoms of Camelot. Bloody vultures hitting the moment I appeared offline I think.

Of course, all that pales in comparison to the fact that Christchurch got hit be three earthquakes today. Ffs Mother Nature, would you just quit it down there already?!

Fin.
xans: Xans (Wrongs)
Top Ten Politically Correct Christmas Carols:
1. O Holiday Tree
2. Have Yourself a Merry Little Day of Winter
3. Frosty the Snowperson
4. Chestnuts Roasting on a Safely Contained Continuously Monitored Eco-Friendly Non-toxic Outdoor Fire (for which I do have a permit)
5. Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlepersons
6. Grandma Allegedly Got Run Over By an Unidentified Non-Human Perpetrator
7. Deck the Halls with Boughs of Non-endangered Foliage (If office policy permits)
8. Hark! The Herald Mythical Winged Creature Sings
9. I Saw Mommy Greeting Santa Claus with a Purely Platonic Expression of Inoffensive Mutual Affection
10. I'll Be Home for a Short Period of Time in December
xans: Xans (Twi-Hate)
Comment with a pairing and I will tell you:
-who is the big spoon/little spoon
-what is their favorite non-sexual activity
-who uses all the hot water in the morning
-what they order from take out
-what is the most trivial thing they fight over
-who does most of the cleaning
-what has a season pass in their DVR
-who controls the netflix queue
-who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working
-who steals the blankets
-who leaves their stuff around
-who remembers to buy the milk
-who remembers anniversaries
---------
Fandoms, to name a few...
Dragonriders of Pern, Sword of Truth (NOT Legend of the Seeker), Discworld, Good Omens, Heroes, Firefly/Serenity, Star Trek (except Enterprise), Stargate (SG-1 and Atlantis), Bones, NCIS & NCIS Los Angeles, CSI (Vegas and NY), Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, Criminal Minds, Castle, Generation Kill, Pirates of the Caribbean

Fin.
xans: Xans (Sam SG-1)
The Road Not Taken AU, where Sam must ask Baal of all people to help her get home... Hmmmmmm...
xans: Xans (Catapulting Teacups)
Um, I don't know if I want to put up a tree this year. Alan and I have no plans to have family over or anything, so why do it? But it's Christmas and we have a black tree and stuff. Well I can figure it out soon enough I guess.

And then, [livejournal.com profile] diea made an fb status update about eggnog. Well, of course she did. Christmas is coming and all that. But it, of course, reminded me of a quote, "Eggnog, then. Noggy eggs. Eggs that are somewhat nogged." -Sirius Black, [livejournal.com profile] shoebox_project Aaaaaand I thought, my god, I haven't checked Shoebox in years... how is my beloved unfinished fanfic, one of the very first pieces I ever read? How is it doing these days?

Well, OMG! Some ruddy bastard hacked it and deleted the whole damn thing! A very important lesson to us all to be very careful about what email addresses we have linked to our accounts and to make sure to keep those email address valid, or get rid of them entirely. But still, all is not lost. Shoebox is preserved in .pdf format and I found the links and all that, but I also wandered over to [livejournal.com profile] cult_sbp (where we can talk about how Shoebox has affected our lives, and affects it still) and I discovered some lovely person was putting together an .epub and .mobi format for those of us with e-readers. How awesome is that? So awesome.

So at Thanksgiving my mum had my step-dad over... I know they're not married anymore but that's the easiest way to describe my relationship to him. He's still my step-dad even if not legally so. Anyway, he's incredibly anti-technology, so he and I haven't kept very close contact since I moved back to New Zealand. But mum had the wonderful idea to get him to sit down and talk with me on Skype at Thanksgiving, so I could ask him myself if he would come to my wedding. It took him a few minutes but he really warmed up to being able to have a face-to-face conversation over the computer. Apparently the request is in that mum show him how to set it up on his computer now lmao.

Also have come up with colours for wedding, would like royal blue, light blue and silver. Along with the medieval/fantasy theme. Rudimentary guest list, now I just need to figure out a venue and also look at possible group rates for accommodation (as big as our house is, we can't house everyone). Also figured instead of a traditional tier cake to go for a flat one with fancy artwork on the icing. There were jokes about using my king and queen lego figurines as the bride and groom to pay homage to my lego obsession...

Alan and I finally got to try out our newly revamped cinemas the other night, to see Immortals 3D. First time I've gone to a 3D movie. Apart from omg the price, altogether was rather cool. We were also going to have dinner at the Wendy's that has just opened up. I don't really remember the menu that well from my time living in the States but another fast food chain for variety, we had hoped to check it out. Of course, everyone else had the same idea and it was crowded and so we got dinner elsewhere and we shall try it out sometime when the novelty has worn off a bit maybe.

Also, our strawberry plants are doing very well with many berries ripening as I type... in fact I had best go water them before I forget.

Fin.

Invites

Oct. 27th, 2011 12:41 pm
xans: All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and unlimited power (Power)
Hmm, I appear to have acquired at least four DW invite codes. If anyone wants, drop me a line.

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