wierd stuffishness
Apr. 19th, 2005 07:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xanscopperbadge
And it occurred to me that really there are some terrible coping strategies in these books. So I thought I'd make a list of ways NOT to cope with life in the magical world.
1. Lie to Harry.
2. SPEAK ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS.
3. Start crying and kiss the boy who saw your boyfriend die.
4. Abuse the domestic staff.
5. Abuse the students.
6. Abuse Neville Longbottom.
7. Keep a magical diary.
8. Buy your way onto the Quidditch team.
9. Get drunk in the company of a hippogriff.
10. Berate Arthur.
11. Blame Snape.
12. Lie to Dumbledore about your homicidal maniac ex-lover.
13. Dress up as a Dementor.
14. Release a giant serpent from its underground lair.
15. Convert yourself into an inhuman monster in a quest for unattainable immortality.
cindale
16. Blow up your aunt.
17. Run away from home when there's a homocidal maniac after you.
18. Weep over a boggart (that might actually be fairly healthy).
19. Accidentally spill secrets to snoopy eleven-year-olds.
20. Slap Draco Malfoy in the face (that might actually be healthy, too).
21. Walk out of class and never go back.
22. Follow the spiders.
23. Ask Lockhart for help.
mcnedwin
24. Offer Sybil Trelawney a job.
25. Give Fred and George money and tell them to open a joke shop.
26. Trap Rita Skeeter in a jar.
27. Lock your wizard nephew in a cupboard.
28. (specially relating to JKR) Plot to break your arm in order to avoid meeting the deadline for GoF.
amberdiceless
29. Throw jars of dried cockroaches at people.
30. Get hacked off at your best mate and refuse to speak to him over things he can't help, like having money and unearned fame and no siblings.
31. Write stupid mocking songs about the opposition Keeper.
32. Hand obnoxious administrators over to homicidal centaurs.
33. Turn that scrawny Slytherin kid upside-down and make a public spectacle of him 'because he exists'.
34. Rustle a bunch of Thestrals and break into a government building because Voldemort and Kreacher told you your godfather is in danger.
35. Throw lemon sherbets at anybody who gets upset with you.
36. Tie your violent giant brother up in the woods and ask two fifteen-year-olds to babysit.
37. Swipe misused Muggle artifacts and tinker with them when the boss isn't looking.
38. Sneer at the poor fellow who's somehow managed to get his family good seats for the World Cup.
39. Tackle the rich artistocrat who sneered at your kids' tatty schoolbooks.
40. Obliviate talented wizards and claim credit for their accomplishments so some insipid womens' magazine will compliment you on your smile.
41. Sit and drink and snivel in the kitchen about the beloved employer who treated you like dirt, and turn your nose up at the fellow sufferer who's trying to help you out.
42. Teach your arch-nemesis a lesson by trying to feed him to your lycanthropic friend/lover.
43. Settle a difference of opinion over admissions policy at your school by leaving in a snit and never coming back (but leaving your pet Basilisk behind.)
44. Assure your survival in the New World Order by selling your dearest friends out to a psychotic killer.
45. Rodentize and bounce that annoying Slytherin kid around the courtyard.
Btw... I absolutely cannot remember ferret!Draco. When the fuck did that happen? How the hell did I miss that?!
Fin.
And it occurred to me that really there are some terrible coping strategies in these books. So I thought I'd make a list of ways NOT to cope with life in the magical world.
1. Lie to Harry.
2. SPEAK ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS.
3. Start crying and kiss the boy who saw your boyfriend die.
4. Abuse the domestic staff.
5. Abuse the students.
6. Abuse Neville Longbottom.
7. Keep a magical diary.
8. Buy your way onto the Quidditch team.
9. Get drunk in the company of a hippogriff.
10. Berate Arthur.
11. Blame Snape.
12. Lie to Dumbledore about your homicidal maniac ex-lover.
13. Dress up as a Dementor.
14. Release a giant serpent from its underground lair.
15. Convert yourself into an inhuman monster in a quest for unattainable immortality.
cindale
16. Blow up your aunt.
17. Run away from home when there's a homocidal maniac after you.
18. Weep over a boggart (that might actually be fairly healthy).
19. Accidentally spill secrets to snoopy eleven-year-olds.
20. Slap Draco Malfoy in the face (that might actually be healthy, too).
21. Walk out of class and never go back.
22. Follow the spiders.
23. Ask Lockhart for help.
mcnedwin
24. Offer Sybil Trelawney a job.
25. Give Fred and George money and tell them to open a joke shop.
26. Trap Rita Skeeter in a jar.
27. Lock your wizard nephew in a cupboard.
28. (specially relating to JKR) Plot to break your arm in order to avoid meeting the deadline for GoF.
amberdiceless
29. Throw jars of dried cockroaches at people.
30. Get hacked off at your best mate and refuse to speak to him over things he can't help, like having money and unearned fame and no siblings.
31. Write stupid mocking songs about the opposition Keeper.
32. Hand obnoxious administrators over to homicidal centaurs.
33. Turn that scrawny Slytherin kid upside-down and make a public spectacle of him 'because he exists'.
34. Rustle a bunch of Thestrals and break into a government building because Voldemort and Kreacher told you your godfather is in danger.
35. Throw lemon sherbets at anybody who gets upset with you.
36. Tie your violent giant brother up in the woods and ask two fifteen-year-olds to babysit.
37. Swipe misused Muggle artifacts and tinker with them when the boss isn't looking.
38. Sneer at the poor fellow who's somehow managed to get his family good seats for the World Cup.
39. Tackle the rich artistocrat who sneered at your kids' tatty schoolbooks.
40. Obliviate talented wizards and claim credit for their accomplishments so some insipid womens' magazine will compliment you on your smile.
41. Sit and drink and snivel in the kitchen about the beloved employer who treated you like dirt, and turn your nose up at the fellow sufferer who's trying to help you out.
42. Teach your arch-nemesis a lesson by trying to feed him to your lycanthropic friend/lover.
43. Settle a difference of opinion over admissions policy at your school by leaving in a snit and never coming back (but leaving your pet Basilisk behind.)
44. Assure your survival in the New World Order by selling your dearest friends out to a psychotic killer.
45. Rodentize and bounce that annoying Slytherin kid around the courtyard.
Btw... I absolutely cannot remember ferret!Draco. When the fuck did that happen? How the hell did I miss that?!
Fin.
