Email from my mum

[xans]

A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

If Women Drink ...
Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.
Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......

IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)
Cider - He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer - He's poor/student and wants to get laid.
Castle Lager Beer - He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer - He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Guinness - The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Water - He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid
Wine - He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
Vodka or Brandy - Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
Port - Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whisky - He doesn't give two shits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels - Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
Rum or Tequila - Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc - He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

Lost Black Books DVDs have been found, yay.

Am home from all that oh-so-fun babysitting (well, mostly fun, except for Savannah, and Wednesday when we also had Izayah and I got a fucking headache that took two neurofen and a bottle of water to get rid of). Which is nice. Did chore type stuff this morning, and actually joined Dad and Suzy for lunch, which I haven't done in some time.

Dad washed his van. Funny thing, I never really paid attention, compared to everyone else who pointed out that a white van is not meant to be green or, as dad discovered while he scrubbed it down, had lichen growing on it. Reminds me somewhat of the van Gary owned when we first moved back to NZ, and it had moss growing inside along the windowseals.

Discovered via dduane that apparently the best way to kill all the bacteria and stuff in sponges is to microwave it. Cool.

...just discovered I missed a fingernail to be trimmed... cut them and my toenails yesterday and just now realised I'd not got this one? Oops. Random crazy me.

Computer is fussy fritzy and could crash at any moment, so I better post this 'fore I lose it all, even if it was autosaved mebbe a minute or so ago.

Fin.