xans

You are an assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your job without mixing any emotions in it. In your life you have probably been hurt many times and have gotten some mental scars. This results in you being distant from people. Though many think that you are evil, you are not. What you really are is a person, trying to forget your pain and past. You are the person who never seems to care and that is why being an assassin fits you good. At least, that's what people think. Even if you don't care that much for your victims, you still have the ability to care and to generally feel. It is not lost, just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to not get to noticed, and dress in black or other discrete colours. You don't like being in the spotlight and wish people would just leave you alone. But once you do get close to someone you have a hard time letting go and get real down if you loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
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britt: And that the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby.
britt: and it makes us angry.

How apt.
Hmm. My room is really cold. So I spend all my time hiding from my hallmates in the very warm computer lab studiously not studying. I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment. I'm not sure what I need to do to regain my focus, my sense of direction. Or maybe I am sure, but if I pretend I don't know, then I can pretend I don't have a problem. Which I undeniably do. I just need to kick my arse into gear, and nothing anyone says in form of ass-kicking or encouragement is going to help me. I have to motivate myself. It's almost as if being told by others what I should do/need to do I set my heels in and don't do it, nevermind how utterly detrimental that is.
Speaking of Lost, I had Rhianna tell me who died on the show. And then I saw something else that confirmed it. It was almost amusing, in that having watched Lost on Wednesday I was considering who I thought was a likely candidate, and what do you know? It was. I won't say who, though, for the sake of those who don't know, care, or don't want to know.
I have no more chocolate left. I am a complete and utter pig. By last night all the Hershey's kisses and Milky Way caramels from Rhianna were gone. I finished off the chocolate covered coffee beans from mum earlier this evening as I was reading before House started. I started watching Last Man Standing, but got bored and took a walk. Now I'm here.
I'm craving physical contact. I don't think I've touched anyone in days. Weeks even. Not even casual accidental brushings by in the cramped kitchen touched. I haven't given anyone a hug since the Beach Party way back in February. I'm used to not touching people. I'm not big on physical contact. But sometimes, I need it. Only now I don't have anyone. I think, just maybe, Spike and Crash are going to get to keep me company tonight.
Hmm. I wonder if I'm feeling off because of PMS. I mean, my period did start yesterday. I have been a bit more emotional the last few days. The mere thought of something had me incredibly angry at one point. And now I'm just feeling kind of lonely. That's just wonderful.
I don't know what I want.
Heh. I feel like such a minority right now. I think there's four of us in the lab who're white. I'm doing mathematical equations and figuring out statistics. Categorising. I don't know why. Boredom I suppose. I could do something else. Find something better to write about. Anything to ignore the melancholy feeling I've got. I'm thinking about posting this and getting comments about being loved and adored and missed and I'm thinking that's not the point. That's not why I'm posting this. I'm not asking for accolades and confirmation. I love you, too. That's why I'm letting you know what I'm feeling, but don't feel obligated to pull me up and out of this. I'm gonna be fine, alright? I've been in far worse pits of depression than this.

( I really like this song )